why I believe in miracles
I believe in them, I really do and it's a source of big, fat smiles to me because I never used to. I was a dyed-in-the-wool miracle heathen who felt a bit let down by the world in general. Yeah there was fun to be had and alcohol to numb but nothing ever seemed to have any substance, later on I realised this was because I didn't have any substance but that's a whole other story.
Then one day, out of the blue, I realised that everything I had ever wanted, really wanted, I had got. It was a strange moment, not entirely as positive as you might think because what that then meant was the power to change my life was all in my own hands. Yikes! So what did I do? I freaked out of course, went headlong into a decade long period of denial more heavy and cumbersome than a winter down duvet, thankfully it was as warm and comforting, because the denial option is rarely painful is it?
Once I managed to get back to the business of being in charge of my life, ten years and a whole marriage from start to finish later, I found that the realisation of my own power had never gone away but had instead found a bit more depth. I felt a connection so that even though I was alone, more alone than I've ever been, I didn't feel it. Instead I felt secure and happy like I had returned home after a long and arduous journey of misspent youth.
This was when I began to notice the tiny little miracles of every day life. Gill Edwards described them as whispers, subtle shifts in consciousness, largely ignored but full of energy and meaning. It started with me reading a sentence in a book at the same time as they were being spoken on the the telly (freaked me out), I would be thinking about something or someone and the next day they would appear; in person, in a book, magazine or on screen. I would need advice about something and the same message would appear over and over again in different incarnations; stuck in a traffic jam, stuck on the phone, stuck in my life, perhaps time to get out of a sticky situation?
All these miracles are our thoughts creating energy creating matter and I love that. I never believed in a random, arbitrary life, but I didn't know miracles could be so everywhere. Not just in the big things; births, marriages, the cured from diseases, miracles are the small things too, the genius idea at midnight, the love of a husband, the colours in the bubbles when you're doing the washing-up, the first shoots of spring after a long winter.
We are all miracles, we are alive and magical and creators of our own destiny, yet we insist on rejecting the idea of a miracle fest life. Parents unwittingly chip away at it, friends mock you for it, school kills it for sure, if you are able to retain a sense of the magical after you have been through a schooling system like the UK's then you are a special creature indeed. It's a shame because if you don't believe in miracles you won't see miracles, you'll still be getting them in your life but you won't feel them, enjoy them, smile at them or appreciate them and you'll certainly never be able to get a grip on your girl boss powers and take control of your magical self to make shit happen. Go forth and create a life you love kids, miracle ya later.
ps. a great book of experiments proving that our minds do indeed create our worlds is E-squared by Pam Grout - a genius, gem of a book, read it and have fun creating madness with your mind bullets.
pps. yes me and Hot Chocolate are in a zen like frame of mind on this one, their song is better, their outfits are better and no I didn't ever believe my blog direction would lead me to be linking to Errol Brown wearing black sequins in 1975. Miracles indeed.