horse walks into a bar....

.....barman says "why the long face?"

Is this the funniest joke in the world?  Well my brother laughs after just the first line: every. single. time.

I thought a horse related post was in order to honour the horsey madness in my village this week.

Thing is though, I hate horses.

Yep, I hate the long faced buggers.  I reckon this antagonistic approach to the equine might set me on the road to hell but I don't care, they are big and sweaty and unpredictable as the British summertime.

Oh and one kicked me once, hard.  Right in the thigh, never felt such pain in my life, and I have given birth without painkillers so I think that gives me the right to make bold statements about the finer points of agony!

So it is with some small degree of amusement that this horse, yes this horse here with the blue shoes on, is intent on making me be its bloody friend.

I walk past these guys every day to take Tilly to the park, and every single day, Mr Blue Shoes gets all excited and runs over to see me.  I'm not kidding, he's all trot, trot, trot and "HIYAAA!".

He leans against the fence as far as his giant body will allow begging me to give him a pat, I meanwhile have moved to the far side of the track trying to get as much space between me and the beast as possible.

Some days I'll say something in a nervy little voice like "hi horse" or "you're nice" - I don't mean it, I just think its a better plan of action to pretend I'm not scared even though I'm pooing my pants that he could quite easily jump the fence and trample all over me.

I'm not completely heartless I do think his affectionate nature is quite cute, I feel a bit mean that I don't give him any love because he obviously craves it.  I saw his owners walking down to bring him in from the paddock the other day and he went crazy happy, dancing all over the place and that did make my heart go all flippy.  But in hindsight I realise this was because he wasn't paying any attention to me and I could walk past without fear of horse attack!!

It is also strange that my favourite dress, my absolute favourite dress of all time has horses on it.  Yep a horse patterned dress.



Bloody horses get everywhere, even into my wardrobe.  It must be an Ascot thing, maybe I should move.